I'll have wine with a twist
For a little bit of holiday fun, I thought I'd reprint an article by David Grimes that originally appeared in the Herald-Tribune in Sarasota, Florida. This time of year when Terry and I are entertaining family and friends, we've often cursed that stubborn cork in the middle of a busy evening (or, even worse, late in the evening when twisting a cap seems infinitely more reasonable than working our complex wine openers...) Here's the article. Hope you enjoy!
...[This] seems like a good time to reopen the Great Wine Debate of corks vs. screw tops.
Perhaps you and your sweetheart shared a bottle of wine. Perhaps the bottle-opening ritual went something like this:
7:30 p.m. - Begin search for corkscrew.
8:00 p.m. - Angrily overturn contents of silverware drawer on kitchen floor in continued search for corkscrew, resulting in nasty cut to bare foot from falling kitchen knife.
8:20 p.m. - Hobble next door to borrow corkscrew from neighbor. When they ask you what happened to your foot, you say it is an "old football injury."
8:40 p.m. - Return to neighbors to ask how corkscrew works. Neighbors notice new bandage on hand from where corscrew has slipped and lacerated an important tendon between your left thumb and index finger. When they ask what happened to your hand, you say you injured it "rock climbing."
8:50 p.m. - With remaining good hand, attempt to twist corkscrew into cork while clasping bottle tightly between your thighs. When your sweetheart asks the reason for your agonized screams, you say the big hole in your leg is the result of "snowboarding."
9:10 p.m. - Dizzy with pain and barely able to retain consciousness, you toss the corkscrew out the window in the general direction of the neighbor's house and limp to the garage, from which you return with a stout, flat-bladed screwdriver and a claw hammer.
9:15 p.m. - Due to your many injuries, you ask sweetheart if she would mind holding the screwdriver while you whack it with the hammer. For some strange reason, she does not accept.
9:25 p.m. - Not willing to accept defeat after all you've been through, you manage, against all odds, to wedge the screwdriver into the remains of the cork. One well-aimed tap of the hammer and...
9:35 p.m. - Begin mopping red wine from walls, floor, ceiling, rugs, drapes, appliances, dog, your cloting, and your sweetheart's clothing. You announce the remaining inch of liquid in the bottom of the bottle would certainly make for a wonderful toast once you fish the bits of cork and glass out of it.
9:40 p.m. - Notice that your sweetheart has gone home.
According to what I've read, some upscale wineries are phasing out corks in favor of simple twist-off caps like the ones used on soft drinks. This seems like a terrible idea to me as it would do away with all the fun of opening a bottle of wine.
Happy holidays, everyone. Enjoy these long, dark evenings as it allows for extra hours spent contemplating the grape beneath subdued lighting. Just be careful with those corkscrews!
Peace and love.
...[This] seems like a good time to reopen the Great Wine Debate of corks vs. screw tops.
Perhaps you and your sweetheart shared a bottle of wine. Perhaps the bottle-opening ritual went something like this:
7:30 p.m. - Begin search for corkscrew.
8:00 p.m. - Angrily overturn contents of silverware drawer on kitchen floor in continued search for corkscrew, resulting in nasty cut to bare foot from falling kitchen knife.
8:20 p.m. - Hobble next door to borrow corkscrew from neighbor. When they ask you what happened to your foot, you say it is an "old football injury."
8:40 p.m. - Return to neighbors to ask how corkscrew works. Neighbors notice new bandage on hand from where corscrew has slipped and lacerated an important tendon between your left thumb and index finger. When they ask what happened to your hand, you say you injured it "rock climbing."
8:50 p.m. - With remaining good hand, attempt to twist corkscrew into cork while clasping bottle tightly between your thighs. When your sweetheart asks the reason for your agonized screams, you say the big hole in your leg is the result of "snowboarding."
9:10 p.m. - Dizzy with pain and barely able to retain consciousness, you toss the corkscrew out the window in the general direction of the neighbor's house and limp to the garage, from which you return with a stout, flat-bladed screwdriver and a claw hammer.
9:15 p.m. - Due to your many injuries, you ask sweetheart if she would mind holding the screwdriver while you whack it with the hammer. For some strange reason, she does not accept.
9:25 p.m. - Not willing to accept defeat after all you've been through, you manage, against all odds, to wedge the screwdriver into the remains of the cork. One well-aimed tap of the hammer and...
9:35 p.m. - Begin mopping red wine from walls, floor, ceiling, rugs, drapes, appliances, dog, your cloting, and your sweetheart's clothing. You announce the remaining inch of liquid in the bottom of the bottle would certainly make for a wonderful toast once you fish the bits of cork and glass out of it.
9:40 p.m. - Notice that your sweetheart has gone home.
According to what I've read, some upscale wineries are phasing out corks in favor of simple twist-off caps like the ones used on soft drinks. This seems like a terrible idea to me as it would do away with all the fun of opening a bottle of wine.
Happy holidays, everyone. Enjoy these long, dark evenings as it allows for extra hours spent contemplating the grape beneath subdued lighting. Just be careful with those corkscrews!
Peace and love.
2 Comments:
Wow i can't stop laughing that was great. I hope they don't take away corks though it's like one of those things eg. coke tasts better in a glass bottle than a plastic one. Merry Christmas.
There's something about the sound a nice authentic cork makes as it is pulled gently from a bottle. It all adds to the ceremony surrounding the enjoyment of wine.
Thanks for your comment!
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